The Marriage Plight.

What no one talks about in pre-marital counseling.

I have been in pre-marriage ministry for around 7 years, and in that time period I’ve spent a lot of time talking to couples about the critical marriage topics that need to be covered… finances, sex, and communication for example. But if you are married you know that there is a lot more to marriage than those “big” things. There are smaller, less important issues that may become big over time. Here are a few examples:

Your Turn to Change.

After years of being together you may find yourself coming out of the bedroom wearing the same outfit as your mate. Not the exact same, obviously, but maybe you each are wearing a grey shirt and jeans, for example. How do you proceed? Do you go about your day being matchy matchy, or does one cave and put on the red shirt instead? Another question: Are you still separate individuals or are you basically the same person now?

The War of the Toilet Paper.

You walk into the bathroom and the roll is not properly placed as it should be on the holder. What do you do? Fix it? Leave it? Confront the offender? One could never realize how controversial butt wiping paper could be until they are joined as one. On a related note RE: Are we still individuals. Answer: Yes, most definitely still very different people.

The Forgotten Light.

Picture this. You’re both sitting in bed, exhausted from your day and ready to rest. You’re comfortable. You’re warm. You don’t want to move again until absolutely necessary. But then you see the light streaming in from another room. Another room that feels miles away at this point. You know it needs to be turned off. You know you won’t sleep as well if you leave it on and energy conservation is apparently important. WHO WILL MOVE TO TURN THAT DANG LIGHT OFF?

Dinner Predicaments.

The all important discussion of “What do you want for dinner?”. An unfortunate daily decision that cannot go without being answered. You have to eat. Your kids have to eat. But.What.Will.You.Eat? If you’re dining out, Where.Will.You.Go? This is a difficult process of elimination with unhelpful discord that primarily sounds like “I don’t know, what do you want?”. Godspeed.

The Pile.

In every home there is an amount of clutter that one is comfortable with. But add in another person, and how do you decide who’s amount is the correct amount? I see this play itself out the most in the issue of piles. Practically every home has a pile (or twenty). You know what I’m talking about. That random stuff you haven’t gotten to yet. That needs to be gone through. That needs to be sorted. That needs actual time and attention that you will get to eventually. You know it’s fine, but does your spouse? Will they dare move the pile? Will they dare make a comment? How tall is too tall for the pile? How long is the pile allowed to stay? Are piles the actual reason for rising numbers in divorce rates over the last few decades? WE MAY NEVER KNOW THE ANSWER TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS.

I have no solution to any of these issues. Communication is important and all that, but let’s face it. We are flawed humans living with other flawed humans that simply do not do things the way they should be done. It is our plight. It is what we accept when we put those rings on the fingers. But we will prevail. We will strive to enjoy one another despite these hardships. We all know we are the ones doing it right so it’s fine, right?

In all seriousness, marriage is worth it. Through the good and the bad. Through the small and the big. Never forget!

What am I forgetting? What is a regularly occurring “small” issue in your marriage? Drop it in the comments below.